Mystery Novels Inspired By My Morning

State of Alarm: The Awakening
It turns out the protagonist did it.

The Uncomfortable Case of the Overloaded Bladder
A thrilling story of a race to the bathroom and the limits of physical endurance.

Dirty Dishes
One man's story of doing the absolute minimum to survive in a hostile kitchen environment.

Cereal Murder: 98% Fibre, 2% Deceit
A crunchy start with a creamy ending that will really bowl you over.

Journey to the Centre of the Shopping World
Mostly just a rip off of Dante's Inferno, but with road rage and product placement.

Hypnoshelves
The puzzling case of 23 different types of laundry powder, which for some reason all have monosyllabic, onomatopoeic names.

Bloodshed in the Express Lane
The chilling tale of a shopping basket being pushed one item over the edge.

A Short Love Story - w/ Dolphins

Miss, please don't hurt the dolphins. What? You want to hurt the dolphins?! Well, okay, maybe just a little bit. But only because you're so pretty. Go on. I'll hold him for you. Give him a little jab in the blow hole. Watch out! They bite. Oh look, you're bleeding. Here, take my shirt. I'll make a tourniquet and then seek proper medical attention. What's that? Oh, yes, I have been working out. I'm pretty strong, I guess. I once punched a dolphin to death... but that was long ago. I was different then.

You want me to what? Kiss you? But I can't! You're a dolphin bashing maniac, and besides, you might get blood on me. For all I know you could have AIDS or some type of gold fever. Oh, okay, one little kiss. Oh dear, you're bleeding in a different spot. Sorry about that. I'll go call that ambulance. And a dentist.

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